ACADEMY OF GUIDANCE & DEVELOPMENT
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Gain the tools to succeed!
Unexpressed emotions will never die.
They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.
-Sigmund Freud
Children may appear to be happy-go-lucky and carefree, but many of them are very sensitive to what is happening around them, and particularly to the actions of their parents. The parents' attitude and actions can build or destroy a child.
If you feel that your child has a problem (behavior, studies or emotions), select a suitable counselor and meet up (without taking your child along). Do not ever discuss behavior or traits of the child in the child's presence, and do not make inquiries with the
counselor immediately after he has ended a session with your child. Some counselors may request to meet the father and mother separately so that they can discern their individual experiences and attitudes. Explain all the factors to the counselor, including the family background, and what is happening in the life of the parents and other family members of the child. The behavior, attitude and relationship of the parents play a very important rote in the child's behavior pattern.
Counselling children and adolescents
Discuss with the counselor what you will tell the child when you have to bring her for counseling. Do not tell a lie to your child. Maybe you could partially camouflage by telling the child that you are taking her to ..."a very nice aunty/uncle who will make friends
with you, play with you, and help you with your problems, relationships, or studies. You can talk anything freely to this aunty/uncle, you can even complain about your parents,\ Make
counseling sound like a developmental activity for the benefit of the child, not like taking her to a doctor or psychologist for treatment of problems.
Bring your child, introduce the counselor, and at the earliest opportunity, leave the cabin so that they can sit and talk in privacy. Don't keep hanging around near the place. If possible, leave the premises and tell the child that you will come back in a stipulated
time to pick her up.
Don't question the counselor about what transpired with your child, neither in her presence, nor by asking her to go out and wait. Get your feedback from the counselor when your child is not around (either by phone, or by going back alone to meet the counselor). Don't question your child about what transpired with the counselor. As mentioned earlier, don't expect the counselor to work miracles and wave a magic wand to cure all emotional ills. Counseling the child sometimes may be even more time consuming, as the counselor may have to spend time going down to the level of the child, engaging her in play therapy, allowing her to proceed at her pace, and then slowly encouraging her to open out with her feelings. It has been found that a vast proportion of the underlying causes of children's problems lie with the significant adults such as the parents, teachers, etc. Be open to family counseling, and be open to change. You cannot bring about a change in your child unless you are ready to change yourself. Take the pointers and suggestions of the counselor in a constructive way, and not as a failure of your parenting. When you start implementing the changes, do not expect immediate results. It may take months before the child starts responding significantly, but will be permanent.
-Dr. Ali Khwaja.